“When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person that walked in. That’s what the storm is all about”
– Haruki Murakami
It has been 2 years. I was fighting a war inside my head every single day. I was exhausted. I never thought I would be able to survive it. Everything was damaged, family, health, friends, the future, myself, especially myself, or so I thought. People ask me “Was it easy?”, “Was it worth it?”. Nothing is ever easy, yet we still strive to survive and with that mindset, I think, yes. It is worth it.
I lost friends, but should I consider them my friends if they left when the storm struck? Making progress isn’t a walk in the park. Waking up and getting out of bed was the hardest. There were good days and there were bad days. Yes, I relapsed from time to time but on most days, I managed. Then I realized I wasn’t getting out of bed just to make progress anymore. I wanted to. I wanted to live again, not to merely exist in this world.
Thinking back, pain made me stronger. I wouldn’t be me without my past. I’ll be alright. Like they said “Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive.”
Everything fixes slowly.
I fix last, but that’s okay. I got out of bed. I can do the rest.